Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize