never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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