plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
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I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
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We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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