I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
