a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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