I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
