Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
