Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
