you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
