Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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