I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
