Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
