apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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