I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just found puke in my bra..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think a kid would responsible me up
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize