If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
