Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
