My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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