Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
