yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
