Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
