I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
