Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she woke up with a sticky ear
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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