god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
