she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
