I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
