Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I could make wine with my vomit
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The Olympian is in my bed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
