Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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