The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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