Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
