Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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