my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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