I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
