if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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