he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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