she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
