God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
