I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
