the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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