Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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