I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
