dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish you could order shots online.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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