Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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