you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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