Sober January is a disaster.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
