Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
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are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
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Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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