Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
