How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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