My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
