You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i think my cat just said my name.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
