I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
