you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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