I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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