thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
