i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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