I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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