went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
