i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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