i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
