now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
