Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
