My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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