I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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