There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
