so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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