She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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