I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
