omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im six kinds of drunk right now
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
