I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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