just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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