it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
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I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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