How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
