Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
